I think what individuals fail to realize is "sex" does not equate to "love". The two can be confusing if you don't understand exactly how to distinguish between them. Yes you have sex with the one you love, but when you actually think about it do you love someone because of sex or do you love them because of the emotional connection that the two of you share? I love having sex but I may not necessarily love the person that I'm having sex with... Prime example "friends with benefits". That however is another blog.
I do believe too often we end up jumping into relationships because the sex comes before the emotional part of the relationship. We have a tendency to confuse the two. If you end up going out with someone a few times without getting to know them before you have sex and you catch feelings for that person, then I believe you are confusing good sex with love. What do you actually know about this person that you had sex with other than you are compatible in bed? Have you learned anything about them other than they give good oral, that they love to strap up, that they flipped you over and took you in every way possible? Is that truly love? I don't believe it is.
When Kari and I got together I told her I wanted to get to know her on a more personal level. That's why I thought an LDR was perfect for me. I could get to know her on a more personal level before anything physical happened. I told her that I could "fuck" anyone. I could go find someone to have sex with without the hassle of the "girlfriend" label and all the emotions that go with a relationship. I wanted to get to know the real "Kari" before all the confusion of the physical. I have primal needs just like the next person. There are days when I want her so bad, thought is not even an option. When we were in Minnesota for eleven days it was a chore to keep it together. I'm human and that human part wanted to be on a mission some days! Some days I wanted to pin her against the wall and just... Other days I felt like unicorn kisses and rainbows. LOL however, I stayed a saint... I do regret it from time to time but it'll be worth it in the end.
There are days when I don't want to hear someone say "make love to me"... I want to hear someone tell me "I just wanna get raw". (I'm trying to keep this semi-clean... LOL) There are times when I don't want the candles and rose petals everywhere messin up my sheets, well unless we are using the candle wax for other purposes ;-)! I wanna come in from a date and pin her against the wall and... Use your imagination people. So... Does that I mean I love the person I want to do that to or that I have done that to? Not all the time.
I have been told that when you are truly in love or when you have an emotional connection with someone the sex is better. I suppose for some that is true. For me it just depends on my mood. I think you can have intense sex with a total stranger if all you want to do is fulfill a primal need or urge. I think too often when you end up in a relationship some not all believe that you must "make love" every time you have sex. NOOOO people you DO NOT!!! I have been in several relationships where I put the cart before the horse, so to speak, and the sex before we hooked up was amazing. Then in the relationship it was all unicorn kisses and rainbows. WTF happened to you coming home and ripping my clothes off because you couldn't wait to get to the bedroom? WTF happened to having sex in every room of the house because well we could? WTF happened to spontaneous? What happened was we confused love with sex! We, well not "WE", decided that now that "WE" are in a relationship sex became "making love". UGHHH... NOT ALL THE TIME!!! Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the unicorn kisses and rainbow stuff. I enjoy being romantic and all that smushy stuff but not all the time every time.
I do love Kari and we have yet to have sex. I am blessed to have found someone who was willing to get to know me on an emotional level versus a physical. And yes we could've gotten physical before we got to know each other well. We had the opportunity but circumstances were such that it wasn't in the cards. Why you ask? Because Kari is an emotional being! LOL she didn't think I liked her initially. So if we would've hooked up then wouldn't it had been about sex and nothing about our emotional connection with one another? It wouldn't have had anything to do with love... I promise you that!
So the next time you have sex with that person you barely know ask yourself is it truly love or is it a primal need that you must fulfill. The next time you are with the one you are emotionally connected to and you are about to have sex ask yourself is it out of obligation or is it something that you enjoy. Ask yourself is this the time where we get "raw" and make the neighbors jealous or is this the night we feel like "making love". Actually maybe you need to stop thinking and just do what comes natural whether you are emotionally connected or if you are just hooking up with someone for the first time.
Sex can be just sex even with someone you love...
That is all...
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